By Barb Tuttle
It does not matter the configuration of one’s children’s ministry team. What is important, however, is how we, as leaders in ministry, love God and love those with whom we work and serve. Therefore, it matters how we interact with each other. It matters the kind of environment we create for our children and their families. It matters how we use self -examination, confession, and accountability in our lives and with our leaders.
Surround yourself with a small group of people whom you trust and who will hold confidences. Share your life with them: the good, your challenges, and what you are working on. As you practice accountability in your own life, you will be able to carry it out faithfully in the ministry to which God has called you.
Frustrations, irritations, and sometimes disagreements happen, and we can become discouraged. People’s feelings get hurt or someone is annoyed that their idea is not used. Sometimes it’s the little things that really get to us. When this happens, we must examine ourselves by asking some questions: Why am I annoyed? What am I doing that might be adding to this situation? Must I have my way? Am I wishing I had thought of that idea? Can I be supportive although I do not fully agree? How am I communicating in a healthy way and what, if anything, do I need to change?
We have a great opportunity in our personal faith journeys to learn and grow as we examine ourselves and discern our motives. Part of a good leader is encouraging others to be creative and to be open to the many ideas of those we work with, including those who do not always see things the way we do. Working together as a team empowers every person in the group to develop their gifts. Each person brings ideas to the table that create discussion around those ideas. This frees us, as the leaders of a group, to not have to feel like the entire burden of leadership is on us.
As leaders, what can we do to create a strong, healthy team that is accountable to each other?
Pray
Pray for divine wisdom that God gives when we are stuck in those challenging places and do not know what to do next. Pray—together—that God will work in our lives helping us grow in our leadership skills and in relationship to each other. Ask God to keep our egos out of the way so our work will honor God and the church.
Take time to build relationships
Spend time together both in your planning and in working toward the desired goals of the ministry. Get to know each other. Build times for celebrations when a goal is achieved in the ministry. Create some times during the year when you gather to have fun and live life together in community with each other. Generate fun when it is unexpected.
Develop good listening skills
Take time to communicate, not just by giving your own opinion but by listening and reflecting back the thoughts and feelings of others. Tell people how valuable they are to the ministry, to families in the church, and to the children.
Accountability
Be sure as leaders that the people on the team understand what is expected of them. If there is a commitment someone makes and doesn’t fulfill, a conversation is appropriate. I suggest asking the person how you can help them. This will help the individual feel supported. They will also feel permission to let you know if their commitment is not working for whatever reason.
Have expectations for your team
Appropriate expectations are fair for volunteers, i.e., job descriptions, verbal agreements, etc. Communicate your expectations and follow up your conversations in writing.
Ask for forgiveness when necessary
Okay, I agree, this can be hard sometimes. When you have done something wrong, say so and apologize. I have done it and believe me it is not always easy. Sometimes I have wondered how it would affect my relationship with that person; in reality, it was strengthened. I have found, in most cases, the individuals I apologized to were gracious and forgiving.
Is it ever appropriate to “fire” a volunteer?
This is difficult and should be done with prayer and only after much conversation and it is clear there can be no resolve. In the thirteen years I have been a children’s pastor, I have had to do this twice. Once, I suggested the person take a time off to rest as she was under personal stress in her life. We agreed to a three month leave and then we would reevaluate. I checked on her during that time to be sure she knew I cared, and I marked my planner for the three months. When the time came, I called her to have another conversation about the concern. I made sure she did not have to come to me. At that time, she asked for another three months off. She continued in counseling and after six months became involved again in children’s ministry and serves faithfully today. The time she had off was a gift both to her and the children she was serving. When she returned she was ready to do so in a consistent way.
As we live out these practices of accountability, self-examination, and confession, we honor God. We serve as models for others, including the children and families in children’s ministry who benefit from being surrounded by loving, caring leaders who strive with all their hearts to serve God faithfully.
Author: Barb Tuttle is the children's pastor at Mountain Park Community Church in Phoenix, Arizona.
